Populating Loserville...

So it's past 1am on a Saturday night and I'm lying in bed thinking. My husband is working an overnight shift and when he does, I usually struggle to get to sleep. What I end up doing is thinking...oh how dangerous thinking can be. Last night it was about Christmas, tonight it's about being a loner. I'm not very consistent, and much prefer thinking about my favorite holiday.

What I got to thinking about can be summed up in one sentence. Where did everybody go? Have you ever just looked around and sort of noticed that your friends are gone? Maybe not, it's a depressing and just to add to my lonerish state, probably not as common as I could hope for in this moment. Today, I realized that I've lost everyone. All my old friends... high school friends, college friends, work friends...they've just disappeared even though many of the clicks within those groups have remained close. I've also realized that I'm the only one who ever reconnects with any friends on facebook just to keep up appearances. I'm afraid that if I stop checking in with people, that no one will check in with me. My depressing little story concludes with a shoe party. I attempted to throw a shoe party and invited lots of girls, in which over ten rsvped yes. One girl showed up to my "party". One girl. Like seriously, loser of the year right here. *I can hear the world's smallest violin playing for me...wah wah wah *

But without crying a river, I wanted to look at this objectively. How did I become such a loner? I know I am a mom now and more of a hermit than I ever was but that shouldn't leave me friendless. As a young mom, most of my friends don't have children and aren't at the same stage of life as me. I've been told than I can intimidate childless friends and that saddens me. I've met a couple of mommy friends but those friendships didn't work out as I ran into some users and other women who I just didnt click with.

So, are my standards of a friend too high? Am I just not fun to be around? Will I ever have a best friend again? This whole thing has really got me thinking. And perhaps I should stop trying with people who don't try in return. I'm just curious when friends will come around?

I'm not wallowing...yet... and I'm not looking for sympathy but I chose to put this post up in hopes that another mom who is feeling the same way, who is just as confused, will know she is not the only one. It is not uncommon to watch friendships change as you become a parent. Sometimes you have to wait for your friends to play catch up ... sometimes you have look outside your circle...